You sole purpose since the ages of time was to guide me, to protect me, to encourage and believe in me when I or no one else did. You was suppose to pay the best possible route for me and divert it so that it matches my dream and not yours.
Your responsible for all the love I have in my heart to give, due to how much you would have given me. I don’t need the presents and gifts, I don’t need holidays abroad. S
Yet still somehow it’s become impossible for you do so because of your selfish need to feel and be superior. You don’t see me as your child I’m just another somebody you have to worry about, another mouth to feed, the shit on your shoe. I’m hesitant to say it and your quick to deny it, and to the world, tell them how proud you are but that doesn’t change nothing.
You still look at me a blank canvas. You without and artistic eye, if I was a blank canvas you would see the potential I portray, you would discard me. And if I painted the most beautiful picture your scratch it rip it spill something on it. You would find someway to ruin what is a masterpiece..
“Mother, Father!? The world is on my shoulder.” You still me to sit down in a corner and count my toes. Why is it that your so blind to me, to my need, why do you find it so hard to except me, why do you not see how are I try, why do you not see me? And your meant to have twenty-twenty eye sight! That’s a joke in itself.
Why do you only encourage me to things that you want for me? Am I a child that I cannot make decisions for myself, do I not know my own mind? I’m old enough, smart enough to make me own decisions. I have to fun to you for your support; instead its like being five years old again and having you smash my birthday cake with a baseball bat. Where do you get of with that.
You don’t trust me, you say your religious where your faith couldn’t you have a little faith in me. Cant you just push me out a little in water and have faith that I’ll make my way and I’ll be fine. Is that too much to ask Just a Little Faith.. That’s all I ask.
You say you love me but not enough to care about me and me needs and wants, you don’t love me enough to have faith in me, not even to let me do what I want even though you don’t care and you don have faith me in.
“Why me?” used to be the question that I asked myself day in day out. Why are you all against me, from my mother to my baby brother, no belief at all- your quick to believe the worst will come to me. I’m family shouldn’t you wish me well. Why am so restricted why will you ever set me free; why am I a prisoner to you? I’ve done 19 years in solitary confinement cause the world was against me in everyway for every reason, and you showed no remorse “thanks mum and dad!” I’m in maximum security like I’m at Guantanamo Bay still you want to throw in the close circuit surveillance. I’m not dangerous, not to myself nor to you. Why do you want to put me in straight jacket and drag me away kicking and screaming. I’m not mad. No one seems to understand like I’m speaking Chinese. Apparently I’m quite fluent though I never cared for the language.
I had you mum from when I was born till now, separated for a year been together till now. And though I was never perfect I needed you to support me and to be there for me. Something that crashed and burned as soon as I hit puberty. Told myself I didn’t need you, truth be told I did more than I care to express. And in that time during puberty the last thing I wanted to do was live, to be yours because you did all this to me. Made me feel like so unwanted, so shameful, like life would be better if my existence ceased. I hated you for it. I appreciated all you did for me one day when I looked at my little brother, making his first steps into the big world. So “thank you mum”
Hello my brother I’m almost at the end of my street but I can see you coming up in the distance. I found a bench I will sit and wait for you, then we can make the journey together. Don’t give up hope like they did, don’t discard yourself like they did, believe in yourself and be courageous. I will get better, brighter as you go along. When it seems to be too cloudy, to rainy for you to continue don’t give up its only for a while the sun will shine again. And hey to you who have faith whether it’s as small as mustard seed or not, you must nurture it so that I can grow, so you can grow and be strong, so you can overcome your battles.
Just like I will be for the others, I will be waiting for you…..
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